Better Now Than Later

Today is one month that I have not had a cigarette. YEA!!! I’m so proud of me. I have been tempted, though; if you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know that already. I was actually wondering today, I think, what would happen if I just had one. Would that mean I’d become a smoker again? I don’t think it should, I mean, I know people that only smoke when they go out – social smokers. I never hear anyone complaining about them. Apparently it’s okay to only smoke once or twice a month as opposed to every day. Okay, and by that same logic would it be fair to tell a biker that it’s okay to go without his helmet once or twice a month? “Psht, why bother? There’s no guarantee that you’ll crash and need that helmet.” Am I suddenly turning into one of those people who quit smoking and decides to tout the benefits of quitting to every smoker I pass on the street? Fuck no; but I don’t think it’s fair for everyone to tell me how unhealthy it is yet leave the “social smokers” alone. “Well, he only smokes once a month; it’s not that bad.” If it’s okay for him, it should be okay for me, too, right? I’m just complaining; I’m not going to smoke occasionally just to prove I can. I may, however, buy stock in all the companies that sell sunflower seeds.

Enough of that, though. Yes, I’m proud, I’ve hit my one month anniversary, blah, blah, blah…I have more important things to talk about tonight. I wasn’t actually going to discuss this but it just happened a little while ago and I feel the need to analyze and rationalize. There’s a kid in my neighborhood, about 11 years old who can be a nice kid but he can also be a hateful bully; and potentially dangerous. I’ll call him Pete (name has been changed). Many of my neighbors and I have complained to this boys’ mother on numerous occasions trying to get her to do something about her son’s behavior. We’ll knock on the door, explain what happened, and see her call him in the house. Not ten minutes later he’s back outside as if nothing happened. The same thing occurred, a couple of weeks ago, after an incident where nobody was hurt, but the potential had been there.

He was outside playing with all the other kids and I heard on little girl yelling, “He pushed my head into the brick wall.” For some reason all the kids congregate at the side of my town home so I can hear everything, and I immediately went outside to find out what was happening. It turns out that Pete had taken this little girl and pushed her into the side of my home, which is brick, for whatever his reasons. I was examining her head when her mom appeared at the door of another neighbor’s home, she was inside just chatting, and she asked me if her daughter was okay. I said she was fine and I went over to speak with Pete’s mother. I told her what he’d done and suggested she keep him on their side of the street from now on since he couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. I even told him he needed to stay off our side of the street. She called him in the house, and ten minutes later he was back outside. What the fuck; is there no discipline in that household?

This was not the first incident like this. He acted as if he was going to choke my daughter one time; he threw a rock at Zach’s head, he’s threatened other kids with physical violence, and he’s got a dirty mouth. Granted, we all know I’m not Mother Teresa when it comes to my language, but I never swear at my kids. I do swear in front of them but there are certain words I NEVER use. Aside from the fact that I’ve never flipped the bird in the presence of my children, the ever popular C*** word is one my kids have never heard me utter; and racial slurs never have a place in our home. That’s where tonight’s issue arose, but I must backpedal just for a second so you’ll understand why I did what I did.

After the brick wall incident, I spoke to the school principal. I know her; I spend a lot of time at the boys’ school volunteering and whatnot. I explained what had happened and she asked if any of us had ever called the police. This kid is 11 years old; who wants to call the police on a child? Nobody does, and I explained that to her. I told her I was speaking to her about it because I was hoping someone from the school could intervene on our behalf thus getting a bit of relief from Pete’s negative behavior. She said she’d do what she could but told me that the parents around her should really call the police when Pete starts something because they will be forced to take some sort of action. Okay, that’s what we’ll do. I relayed the message to all my neighbors who’ve had problems with Pete.

A few days after that I got a call from Children’s Services wanting to discuss the problems we’d been having with Pete in our neighborhood. I spoke with the woman a while and told her everything I could that the kids had told me and that I’d witnessed. She explained that a child like this has the potential to be very dangerous; especially to the younger kids in the neighborhood, and that we all need to call the police whenever Pete is causing problems. You got it; who am I to ignore the Department of Children’s Services? So now we’re up to speed.

I was sitting in the house tonight when my neighbor came over and said her son had just told her that Pete was outside calling another little boy a N*****. That don’t fly with me; my kids don’t even know what that word means. She and I walked back behind my row of town homes to locate our children and I asked Zach if he’d heard Pete use that word toward anyone. He said, “Yes, he called Mikey (changed name) that word.” It made my blood boil. Not only was Zach out there, but Dolly was also. How dare he use that word in front of my kids? It’s bad enough with another kid curses. My kids understand that adults use that language, but when another kid uses those words I have to explain to the other kid that they can’t speak like that, and then explain to my kids why they can’t use those words even though so-and-so uses them. What a headache.

Anyway, I asked Zach where Pete was and went hunting him. I found the Mikey, who, by the way, is black, and apologized to him on Pete’s behalf. Pete is white, if you hadn’t figured that out already. Nobody should ever be called that, especially a child. Then I found Pete and asked him to go home. I also told him that if he ever used that word in front of my kids again, I’d make sure his mother wasn’t allowed to let him outside ever again. Then I told him he’d better rush before I called the police. He said he’d already called them because a bunch of kids were trying to start a fight with him. Somehow, I find that a really hard to believe. Then I turned and walked to his house to speak to his mother.

I rang the bell and backed up off the stoop. She came to the door and I told her she needed to get Pete in the house because he’d just done so-and-so. I told her I didn’t like him speaking that way in front of my kids and that she needed to do something about it before I fixed it to where he wouldn’t be allowed outside anymore. She very calmly responded, “Don’t tell me how to raise my son.” I told her I wasn’t telling her how to raise her son, but I was telling her to get him in the house before he caused any more problems. Then my neighbor, the one who’d informed me of all of this, told Pete’s mom that she’d file a complaint against them with the management office, to which Pete’s mom lipped off a bit. Then my neighbor, who is black, retorted with a few choice words of her own.

Now, since I was told by DCS to call the police when Pete caused problems, I did. I called 911, let her know that it wasn’t an emergency but that DCS instructed me to call, blah, blah, blah. She took all the information and said she’d dispatch an officer. Pete’s mother saw me on the phone and realized I was calling the police so she hollered, “There, he’s in the house. You happy? He’s just a child for Christ’s sake.” I know he’s a child, that’s why I went to speak to her in the first place. Technically, I should’ve called 911 first but I wanted to give her the chance to do the right thing. Had she not argued with me, I may not have called.

Did I want to get this kid in trouble with the law, Hell no. The way I see it though, it’s better he get in trouble with the law now, while he’s still a child and can get the help he needs than to get in trouble five years from now when he’ll be old enough to go to jail with the big boys. Picture this: five years from now he’ll be 16. He’s out walking the streets and calls someone the “N” word and that person takes it wrong. Now Pete gets his ass beat and goes to jail on a hate crime charge where he may or may not end up getting his ass beat again, or worse. What’s his mom gonna say then? “He’s just a child, for Christ’s sake.” I don’t think so.

Do I feel bad for calling the police tonight? Yes, I do. Was I justified? I think I was. If it helps him now from a fate far worse later, then so be it. Some may agree; some may disagree. I stand by my decision.

Until tomorrow…peace to all.