Challenge

At the end of last night’s post I mentioned that I was going to write about my nosey neighbor tonight, the one who has to be outside every time something happens so she can get into everyone else’s business. That’s going to have to wait because tonight the gloves are off – so to speak. The Universe and I are having it out once and for all over this move to the East Coast that I want so desperately.

After all the crap that I’ve already mentioned about this neighborhood, today Ty informed me that a 13-year-old neighborhood boy was showing the younger kids porno videos on his cell phone. Confirming it with a couple of other kids that Ty mentioned saw the videos (Ty tends to over-exaggerate at times so I don’t jump just because he tells me something happened), I told one of the other mothers what happened and she wasn’t too happy either so we found out where this kid lives and we spoke with his mother about it. She apologized for it and said she’d take care of it but we know she won’t. Most of the mothers/parents around this area don’t care what their kids are doing and it makes me sick.

So here’s the deal: I won’t spend my summer telling my kids to stay away from this kid, and avoid talking to that kid and just ignore the other kid. I won’t do it!! I can’t stand being here any more and my kids don’t like it either. Ty is tired of the kids making fun of him all the time. Zach can’t figure out whether he’s supposed to be a follower or a leader. If his friends start acting like little punks he’s not sure what to do and is torn between doing what they do and risking getting in trouble or doing his own thing and risking getting picked on by them. Dolly only has a couple of little friends but they are really bossy. I know these things happen everywhere and kids will be kids, but if my kids could get a fresh start with a new group of friends, maybe things will be a lot better for them. They’ll also be closer to their dad, too, so they can see him occasionally. If life is better for them, it’ll be better for me.

Moving will also benefit me for a couple of reasons. I’ll be near people I actually like and enjoy talking to every day. Ellen will be nearby so we can work and visit together; and I’ll only be a couple of hours away from my friends on Long Island so road trips would occur when time allows. I’ll be able to find work – freelance paralegal stuff – that I can do from home so I can still be there to take care of the kids and attend their school functions, and whatever else they want to do. I’ll be generating an income to support my family and I won’t be solely reliant on child support as I have been for the past four years. I’ll be able to relax and not have the entire neighborhood in my business every minute of every day – with luck, anyway. I really just can’t stand being here, in this neighborhood, around these people all day, every day. It’s taking its toll on me and my sanity.

Tonight I’m challenging the Universe to yield to me NOW!! I’m tired of asking and not seeing any results when I want to see them. It took three years of me asking for the money to tag my van to arrive; I absolutely will not wait that long to be able to move from here. I’m extremely grateful for everything I’ve got – my kids, my friends, my home, money to pay my bills and get the kids what they need and want, and everything else I’ve got – but I’m tired of being told “all in good time” whenever I ask the Universe to provide. I don’t want to hear anyone tell me, “Sometimes the answer is ‘yes,’ sometimes the answer is ‘no,’ and sometimes the answer is ‘not now’.” I’m sick of that. If my kids asked me something and I ignored them or just made them wait for an answer so they didn’t know whether or not I was actually listening to them, I’d be paying for that; they’d let me know in no uncertain terms that they don’t like being ignored. That’s how I feel. If I ask the Universe for something, I expect an answer and, right now, I’m feeling really ignored.

Should I take it personally? No, I shouldn’t; but I am. I am sitting here watching people in my life just move forward and get everything they want, whether it’s deserved or not, while I’m sitting here stagnating. I’m sick of it and I want the Universe to respond immediately!! I haven’t seen any signs recently nor have I received any signal that I’m still moving forward. I thought that, when I got my car tagged, everything else would slowly fall into place. Unless I’m really missing something, it’s not. I’ve just got a van with tags on it now. Yes, I’m grateful for it, but I deserve more, my kids deserve more, we demand more, and we will have more. I want for us what we deserve and I want it now, in physical world time, not metaphysical world time.

I am, literally, at my wits end as far as faith is concerned. Faith is believing without seeing but I’m finding that I’ve got a limit. I can’t sit here indefinitely and continually believe and have faith that everything will work out the way I want it when nothing is happening to move me in that direction. I believe I will move us to MD, and that we deserve it, and I’m putting out all the positive vibes and energy that I can, but I’m beginning to believe that I’ll have to do it all on my own. I’ve done everything I can to get the move done, but the Universe doesn’t seem to be backing me up right now. Don’t say, “That’s the Universe’s way of telling you now is not the time.” Now is the time. What other time is there; what else is on my to-do list before this move can take place? Whatever it is, the Universe isn’t speaking up about it.

I need answers and I need them now. If something spectacular doesn’t happen between now and the end of this week, I can’t say I’ll have any faith left. I’ll even go public with my impending belief that we are alone and have to face the World and our challenges by ourselves. So, come on Universe!!! If you’re there and helping me, give me a big-ass sign about something. You’re about to lose more believers if you don’t come through for me now – ‘now’ in my time, not ‘now’ in your time. Step up to the plate and prove there’s something out there that’s bigger and more powerful than I am and that you can help me make this move across the country. Prove that miracles do happen. I triple-dog dare ya.

Until next time…peace to all.