Learned Something New Today

Did you know that, if you teach your camera what white is before filming or taking pictures, it’ll get all the other colors right? That will only work if there is a white balance in your camera. I learned that yesterday from a news cameraman. I was giving that interview for the school district and, before we started shooting, he trained the camera on a very well lit piece of white paper for a few seconds. As I watched, he explained why. When I asked if it would work with stills, he said it should and mentioned the need for the white balance. That’s pretty cool information; I had no idea but will try it in the future. I just love learning new things.

I actually try to learn something new every day and I tell my kids they should also. When they were toddlers and just learning to talk, they’d do whatever and I’d tell them how smart they were. Then I’d ask, “How’d you get so smart.” I actually taught them to respond with, “I learn every day.” They will still answer that question with that same answer today. Learning every day is never a bad thing; how can it be? Today I actually learned that I should check the shoes inside the shoe box before I pay and take them home from Wal-Mart.

I had taken Dolly shopping with me today, after I cashed the insurance check that came in yesterday’s mail. We needed a lot of things so we just went to Wal-Mart. That wasn’t such a good idea on my part because I could spend my life in Wal-Mart. Just give me money and set me free. Anyway, all three kids needed shoes so I found some for each of the boys. I’d sized them the other day when their dad asked me for their sizes. Even though I’d sized Dolly, we used the Brannock device (that thing that you put your foot in to determine your shoe size) on her today, just to be sure. Good thing I did because she’s actually a 10 ½; I thought she was just a 10 based on the answers she gave to my questions the other day. So we find her a cute pair of sneakers, on sale (can’t beat that). I peep into the box to make sure the shoes we wanted were actually in there and I wouldn’t be taking home a pair of something completely different. We finish shopping, pay and go home.

We load all of our bags into the house and start sorting – upstairs bathroom, kitchen, my desk, boys’ shoes, my shoes, Dolly’s shoes. She decided she wanted to wear her new sandals today so we put them on her. Then I open the box with the sneakers and notice that they also light up at the heel. Too cool. I get the scissors to cut that annoying plastic string that connects the shoes together and, in the split second that I cut that string, I realize that the shoes are two different sizes – one’s a ten, the other an eleven. You’ve gotta be shittin’ me. Before Dolly can get upset I tell her I’ll just return them to the store when she gets on her bus for school. I ask her if she wants that pair or something different. “Something different. Can you get the princess ones?” Sure thing.

The problem was, I didn’t want to drive all the way back to Wal-Mart; it’s on the other side of town and it was fucking muggy today. Just walking outside was bad enough but to have to get in the car was almost torture. Whatever. Better I take the shoes back today than have to do it tomorrow. When Dolly got on the bus, I drove back to Wal-Mart and waited on line to return the shoes just so I could buy a correctly-matched pair. What was really funny was that there were five people on the return line in front of me and only one clerk working the counter. It was a laugh riot for me.

The lady ahead of the guy just ahead of me was returning a bunch of boy’s baby clothes. The clerk was chatting and asked if they just didn’t fit the baby. The lady said, “No, my sister-in-law was told she was having a boy so I bought boy stuff, but the baby is a girl; she didn’t find out until the baby got here.” Well DUH!! When else would you find out the baby’s sex if the sonogram was wrong? I guess you learned something new today, didn’t ya? Two things, in fact. Just because the sonogram says so, doesn’t make it so; and either buy neutrals or wait until the baby actually arrives before you rush out to buy an entire wardrobe for it. You go girl!!

Then the guy in front of me was exchanging a lawn mower – for the second time – because the back wheel kept falling off. The axle was plastic and the sales associate had told him that other people had already returned that same mower due to cracks in the plastic that made the wheel break off the mower. The kicker was that, not only did he actually buy it after being warned, but he kept exchanging it for the exact same model. When the associates asked him why, he said that Wal-Mart didn’t have a big variety so he was really stuck as far as what model he could purchase. Here’s an idea, dude; get your money back and go someplace else to get a better mower at the same price. Not only did you learn that some sales associates aren’t bullshitting you, but you also learned that you need to vary the places you shop. It’s called ‘shopping around’ if you don’t already know. Oh, that’s three new things you learned today.

Now I need to correct myself. Earlier I said that I learned to check the shoes inside the box before paying and taking them home. I actually learned two things; check the shoes and never go to Wal-Mart to return anything at lunchtime. That’s when everyone else goes. Although, if I go and just stand there, I might be able to point out to people the new thing they learned that day. Do you suppose Wal-Mart would pay me for that? They pay a guy to greet me at the door and hand me a buggy; I guess I could always ask. I could be the Wal-Mart “Hey stupid, here’s what you learned today” girl. I can dig it, can you? ;)

Until tomorrow…peace to all.