What Gives?

Today, I absolutely wanted a cigarette. I didn’t have one, but I really wanted one. I was having a really bad day – a bad few days actually that all came crashing down today. I did the next best thing, I called Ellen. I called her and tried to sound like everything was okay, knowing that it wouldn’t last for long. The second she asked me what I was doing I burst into tears, and, through my sobs explained the problem I was having. I’d been burned by a company and was tired of it. I ranted and raved, I yelled a bit – sorry, girl, if I hurt your ears – and “I let the expletives fly.” (If you’ve ever seen “Seinfeld” you understand that reference.)

I was screaming angry about all the shit that’s come down on me over the past couple of days – nothing really big, but all the little things are adding up to a big one – and I wanted a cig. I know she felt bad, especially when I said I wanted one but the best I could do was pace the floor in the house. She encouraged me telling me I’ve been doing so well; not to give in now. I didn’t intend to buy any cigs, just expressed my interest in having one. Instead, I pace while I talked: back and forth from kitchen to living room and back again. Then, when I was all talked out, I told Ellen I was going to hang up and cry for a while to which she responded by talking a mile a minute about anything and everything to get my mind off the bullshit. She’s so funny. She talked to me about the construction that was just finished on her house; about a friend who irritates her; about yummy boy; and about family stories of when her sons were kids. By the time she finished talking, 1 ½ hours later, I was laughing and had calmed down. I was sitting rather than pacing. She’s such a doll, Ellen.

What’s funny is that my ranting and raving of today are an extension of last night’s post. If you recall, I said, at the very end, that I knew what my next post would be and this is it. I’m just really tired of good people, like Ellen and me, working our asses off to do what’s best for us and our families only to be shit on by the masses, while undeserving people, like our exes, have bonuses dropped in their laps. I do for others, never expecting anything in return; I like helping people, I like seeing them smile, and I like the feeling I get knowing that I’ve helped ease someone’s burden. Then, I go through all the proper channels, I’m 100% honest with all involved and I can’t get a break, unless, of course, we’re talking fingernails.

I’ve been calling all over Maryland about this move, and nobody is calling me back; the waiting lists are closed, blah, blah, blah. I think I’ve mentioned that. Then, I’ve been waiting for Dolly’s spring pictures to come in so I can pay for the ones I want and I found out today that she didn’t take her picture because I didn’t pre-pay for them. I didn’t know I was supposed to pre-pay for them; I never got that notice. Now, I have to take her to the photo studio on Monday to have her picture taken just so I can pay $12 to get the laminated key tags with her picture on them. Why can’t the photographer come to me? This was a school error, not mine.

I’ve been driving around in a minivan with a three-year expired temp tag because the car dealership where I bought it stole my sales tax check. The State couldn’t help me, even though the inspector reported that the dealership was wrong; the State can’t force them to return my money. The Attorney General’s office wouldn’t help me because the dealership never responded to the complaint. Now, a judge would take that as an admission of guilt. Apparently the AG is there for show, not action. So, this year I finally get a tax return refund of a substantial amount, because of my student status last year, which took care of paying the sales tax on the van. (Thank you again, Tracy.) I sold my bedroom set to pay my property tax which, when I got the receipt, said that there was another $18.84 still due. I paid using the payment coupon the Collections Department sent me. What the fuck is up with the additional amount due? Regardless, I paid it and they posted it today.

Keeping with the flow of that, a couple of weeks ago I found a really old insurance policy that my mother had taken on me when I was a kid. A whole life policy that would’ve been worth a bundle had she actually paid up on it. However she didn’t and the surrender value is around $750 after they take out tax. I mailed in the policy surrender forms, along with the policy itself, as was requested. When I called Tuesday to find out where the check is, I was told that I hadn’t signed page two of the surrender form and that the company had returned it to me to be signed before they could issue the check. I asked why it had to be signed, and the girl said, “So we have authorization that you are surrendering the policy.” I RETURNED THE POLICY TO THEM!!!! How much more fucking authorization do they need? She said they mailed the form on the 29th, I received it this evening. It’s signed and I’ll mail it back tomorrow. Then, according to the sweet thing on the phone, it’ll take 7-10 business days for them to issue my check.

Then we have today’s issue. I’ve been burned royally by a company that shall remain nameless until I find out whether or not they will cooperate in rectifying their egregious error. If they do, they will remain nameless permanently; if not, the entire world will know what a rip-off this company is. But just to put this in perspective, I’ll just say that I lost some much-needed money because of them. This and all of the above are the types of things that happen to me all the time. See what I mean about getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop?

It doesn’t matter how good I am, or how much faith I have, things don’t work out how I’d like. My faith, by the way, is thisclose to being gone if something spectacular doesn’t happen very shortly. Things either don’t work out, or they take their time working out. I know: the Universe provides in its own time; I have to be patient; so on and etcetera. That’s not good enough: not when I’ve been driving around for three years in an untagged vehicle (I don’t take my kids anywhere outside of our immediate area because of it and I only drive back streets when possible); when I’m trying to move to make the lives of my kids and me better but the government is pushing me down further into the system without ever giving me a chance to get back on my feet; and when companies are allowed to steal my money with no repercussions. Yet, I say “no” to a request, and I’m considered selfish and a bitch. I don't get it. I can’t figure it out anymore and I’m too tired and annoyed to try.

Tomorrow, I’m going to write a nice eloquent-yet-tear jerking letter to the Governor of Maryland asking for some assistance in making this move. I’m going to await the arrival of my insurance check so I can tag my van, and I’m going to wait for the crappy company to give me my money back from what they took today. Thank you again, Ellen, for making me laugh today; I love you so. Thanks to any and all who read my blog and support me. You may also want to read my friend Tracy’s blog – hers is listed on my page as one that I follow, and it’s Dieting Mom in Chaos. She’s a pistol and has a lot of great things to say. Until tomorrow…peace to all.