A Little Help, Please

I was wondering today if I’m doing enough exercise to actually lose 15 or 20 pounds. Since I don’t have anything to do during the day, I put on a little weight over the winter and want to get rid of it now. Now that I’m not smoking any more, I really want to make sure I don’t put on any more weight. The idea is to get healthy, right? Right. So I did some more research on the Internet and found out that I probably am doing enough to lose the weight.

I sometimes walk the boys to school in the morning, about 20 minutes round trip; then I do thirty minutes jogging on the rebounder (If I don’t walk them, the rebounder is my only morning exercise.); when Dolly gets on her bus, I come back in the house and do a 40-minute yoga workout; and after the kids go to bed at night, I get back on the rebounder for, at least, thirty minutes, sometimes longer. I’ve actually gone up to an hour and twenty minutes. Not to mention that I’m eating better, too. I have Carnation Instant Breakfast in the morning, a small snack mid-morning, a healthy lunch (tuna in a pita, or something similar), an afternoon snack, and then a healthy dinner. That should be enough for me to drop those couple of extra pounds, right? I think so, so I’m going to stop worrying about it now.

I need to get in shape so that, eventually, I can meet the man of my dreams and live happily ever after. We all want that, right? That’s what it says in our ‘little girl’ manual, if I remember correctly. Oh, wait; there was no manual, just a lot of talk from the people in my life telling me that that’s what I was supposed to want. I think I do, too. It would be nice to have someone here to talk to where the conversations don’t always revolve around what happened at recess, and who is picking on whom that day. I might enjoy being told that I look nice even if I’m wearing my baggy shorts and T-shirt with my hair in a ponytail because I’m getting ready to clean the house. Geez, just having someone to watch a big people TV with would be nice. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids with every ounce of my being but there’s only so much “SpongeBob” and “iCarly” I can watch in a week.

I do like to watch movies but even PG movies are a no-no for my kids – at 8, 6, and 4, they tend to pick up what they shouldn’t so they don’t get to watch unless I’ve already seen it, and have found it appropriate. Tonight I was watching “The Ugly Truth” which is rated R so I absolutely know my kids couldn’t watch it. It would’ve been nice, though, to have a man around to laugh with, or to make fun of the movie, or to even ask him if what was being said by Gerry Butler’s character, Mike Chadway, was even remotely true. If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know what I mean by that. He’s basically of the opinion that men are only interested in a woman’s looks; and that there is no such thing as a happy relationship, but I have nobody here to confirm that. The whole relationship thing is a mystery to me, though.

See, I tend to believe what he says simply because I’ve never had a happy/good relationship; not even with my ex-husband; and I’ve never been in love. I’ve never come close, as far as I can tell. It's something I’ve realized over the past couple of years, sad but true. Aside from the "good relationship" factor, every guy I talk to tends to mention a woman’s looks first and foremost. Not one of them has ever said that they like personality or intelligence above all else. Mind you, I’m not loaded down with male friends, I only have a few, but they’ve all said the same things. Then, I watch these movies and, although I know movies aren’t real, there always seems to be a hint of truth in there somewhere. Now, if men are only interested in looks, and if there is no such thing as a happy relationship, why would I want one? Remember, I said I think I do; never said definitely.

I’m actually not even ready for a relationship right now. I’m too into running my own life and not having to answer to anyone. I can stay up as late as I want without being bothered or bothering anyone else, I get complete control of the remote control, and I don’t have to offer to get anything for anyone when I go the kitchen for myself. It’s pretty cool, and this is the first time in my life that I’ve actually been “on my own” without any other adult in my home with me. Granted, it’s been almost five years and it should be getting old by now. Sometimes it feels like it is, and other times I want to smack myself silly for even thinking of wanting a man around.

I just like watching movies and dreaming that something wonderful will actually happen in my own life like it happens on the big screen. I know it sounds silly but when I’ve never actually had a true love relationship, I wonder what it would actually be like. It makes me think of the line in “Sleepless in Seattle” when Becky (Rosie O’Donnell) says to Annie (Meg Ryan), “You don’t want to be in love; you want to be in love in a movie.” That would be nice, right? Then on my “I’m-feeling-bitter-about-everything” days, I laugh at movies and scoff at the goofy way love is portrayed because I know nothing can ever be that perfect. It all seems very confusing to me.

I have no idea where any of this came from tonight other than the fact that I was watching “The Ugly Truth” and just started thinking. I guess I figured my only option, since I have nobody here to talk to about it, was to put it on the Internet for anyone to read. The movie was pretty funny, though; and the corporate dinner scene was downright hilarious. I was watching it on OnDemand and the look on Gerry Butler’s face when he starts to laugh is priceless so I kept rewinding it. In any case, I think I’m done thinking for tonight and should head off to bed for a good night’s rest. I’ve got exercise and laundry ahead of me. Woo hoo!! By the way, I'm exercising for me, not to catch a man. Just thought I'd clear that up now. :) Until tomorrow…peace to all.