Kwitcherbitchen

I’m a little buzzed tonight because I didn’t have a good day and I need to relax a bit. Not drinking anything special, just Kool-Aid-type lemonade with a shot (or two) of vodka mixed in it. I switched to Kool-Aid-type drink mixes because the kids’ pediatricians and the chick from WIC all recommended it. They said it’s better than the juice that WIC provides simply because I can control how much sugar goes into it. The WIC juices – Old Orchard, Welch’s and others are all 100% juice but, according to the preparation directions still contain too much sugar. Even though I fill an entire gallon pitcher when the instructions are for two quarts, there’s still too much sugar in it. The Kool-Aid instructions tell me to add the powder and a cup of sugar for two quarts but I add the mix and ¾ cup of sugar to a gallon pitcher. Not too many calories in that and the kid are drinking more water than juice, and that’s as it should be.

That’s all well and good but it’s not what I wanted to talk about tonight. Nope, I wanted to talk about how much I laugh at the bullshit of other people. Last night I was talking about how I haven’t laughed in a long while; and today I’m laughing, sarcastically, at the crap that other people are worried about these days. My day, like I already said, wasn’t a great one, and I called a friend – ELLEN – to vent. Yes, darlin’ you’re a Star. :) We were on the phone, ultimately, for almost three hours but, in the beginning she let me just rant and rave about the crap that I had to endure today, and she never said a word until I was finished. How great is that? When I was done griping, we moved on to discuss other things, and, eventually, she was responding to an email so we both just sat there, on the phone, not saying a word, while she emailed. I even commented on how great it was that we could just sit there on the phone, each of us doing whatever we needed to do, but not talking. To me, it was awesome and it’s the greatest thing that happened to me all day.

Now, since shit hasn’t been going that well for me lately, and I’m about to lose my faith in the Universe altogether, especially after the visit from the Church People (read that post to understand), I sometimes get really irritated by all the bullshit that my friends post on Facebook talking about all the great things that are happening to them. I know, I shouldn’t be jealous of other people and I should be happy for them; and most times I am truly happy for them. It gets really hard sometimes, though, since everyone I know is getting everything they want and I’m still asking and getting no response from the Universe. What makes it even worse is when those same people feel the need to bitch about something and it’s something so fucking mundane that it’s not worth the gripe.

For example, one friend was griping about other parents screaming and hollering their kids’ names out during a dance recital; and about someone unexpectedly dropping income business off at their house at dinner time on a Saturday. Do ya wanna know what I think? To bad, I’m gonna tell you anyway. Be happy that you have the money to put your kids in dance and that you’ve actually got customers to keep the income coming to your house regardless of when it gets there. What the fuck? I can’t put my kids in any extracurricular classes because I don't have any income above and beyond child support right now. I, literally, can’t pay for my kids to do a fucking thing and you want to bitch about other parents screaming their kids’ name out during the recital? Get a grip, friend.

Then there is the friend who wants to bitch about not getting life right. Guess what? Your life is better than mine any day. Yes, I’ve got a home, a car, clothing for my kids and me, food on the table, etc., and I’m completely grateful for it all; I really am. However, I don’t have the opportunity to go out to eat every night like you do, or to go out on a date (not that I want to right now but I don’t even have the option), or to do anything that doesn’t require me taking my children along for the ride. I don’t have any freedom: I can’t pee without a knock at the door, I can’t shower without my daughter in there with me, and I can’t sleep in my own bed, alone, because there is always one kid, at least, in it with me. I can’t even talk on the phone or talk to another grown-up without being rudely interrupted by one kid or another. Yes, I love my kids with every ounce of my being but I don’t get a break from them at all. So, friend, don’t complain about failing at life when you can do whatever you want, whenever you want to, and you have the opportunity to make as many choices and mistakes as you want without worrying that it’s affecting someone else. In other words, shut the fuck up and stop bitching.

I have friends who are questioning where to eat for dinner; or why they spend so much weekend time worrying about laundry when they’ve spent the entire week working; why they can’t stop ‘compulsively’ buying dresses for their daughters (Boo fucking hoo. When your kids have worn hand-me-downs most of their lives, complain to me then.); or, the best yet, why the sun isn’t out for them to be able to sit by their pools, do their yard gardening, or take out their boats. Am I happy that you all have great lives – absolutely; do I need to hear (read about) you bitching about the bullshit that you take for granted that I can only dream of having some day? Absolutely fucking not!! I want to be able to put my kids in whatever classes/sports they want; I want to be able to have a life outside of my home; I want to be go out to eat more often than once every couple of months; I want to go back to work (from home) and put the degree I worked so hard to earn to some really great use; I want to have a pool, my own preferrably, to sit by; I want to watch the gardener weed my yard (Yea, I’m not into the gardening thing myself; I’ll pay someone to do it for me while I supervise.); and I want to take out my boat for a fun day with friends. You can do that, I can't.

You don't live in HUD-subsidized housing for lack of a better place; you don't buy your groceries with food stamps and WIC (it's fucking humiliating, I can tell you that); you don't have child support as your sole means of income; you don't rely on outside agencies to supply gifts for your kids for Christmas; and you don't get your furniture and clothing second hand. I didn't ask to live here and be in this position; I was dumped here due to circumstances beyond my control, and now I'm having trouble getting out of it. Yep, if you've read my blog or my Facebook posts you know that already. Unfortunately, I’m not able to move out of the ghetto I live in or get a job, not that I want to in this area anyway, and it’s making me sick, but I don’t have a choice about it right now even though I'm doing all I can to make things better for us. Do I feel sorry for myself, yes, sometimes I do (and that's been most recently) but for better reason than you can ever come up with for feeling sorry for yourselves. Most of the time, though, I keep trudging along doing the best I can with what I've got and I make the most of everything, with a smile on my face. Can you say the same? Uh, from what I've read, no, you can't.


I have a friend who depends on family to help get bills paid, another friend who doesn’t receive, and hasn’t received in years, child support from her kids’ dad and is constantly struggling, and friends who, like me, survived domestic violence and are still looking to put their lives back together. So here’s a word of advice from the below-poverty-level-poor person to all the I-just-want-to-bitch-about-not-being-able-to-utilize-all-the-middle-to-upper-class-ameneties-I’ve-got friends. I’m sick of fucking listening to you complain about how bad your lives are. If you want, we can trade places for a month and we’ll see how much you bitch after that. Until you absolutely have something to complain about that won’t make me laugh at your stupidity and naiveté, SHUT UP!!! If I can laugh at my situation, you should be pissing yourselves laughing over your bullshit problems.

Until next time…peace to all.