Time For Some Research and Action

Everyone says that their children’s behavior changes after a visit with the other parent, and I agreed – for a while. When my ex lived nearby and would pick up the boys for a visit, they’d come back needing severe attitude adjustments. By the time I had them behaving the way they should they were off to another visit. It was just a vicious cycle. I’m not sure what to do now, though. The kids were gone for two weeks and came back…the same but worse, if that makes any sense.

Yesterday they were fine. They were happy to be back, still argued with me but not much – they’re kids, they’re going to argue. The first day back went great. Today, though, things changed. Regardless of what I asked them to do I had to repeat myself over and over like I was talking to a brick wall. I had to have numerous discussions with them on the rules of the house when they’re with me. When I say numerous, I mean just that. I must have discussed things with them, at least, six times today. These are the same discussions I’ve had in the past but maybe only every couple of months. It’s basic kid stuff but also basic manners and behavior. “We don’t run in the house,” “We wash our own dishes,” “We don’t hit other people,” (Ty’s good for that one but I had to speak to Zach and Dolly about it a few times today). Like I said, it’s basic kid stuff but I shouldn’t have to have “family meetings” that often in one day. It’s almost like they forgot how to follow any rules while they were gone.

The only thing I can think of that might account for it is the way they were treated while they were with their dad. They’re taking their anxieties out on me. Remember I said I’m not one to interrogate my kids, and I didn’t. What did happen was that Ty was being very rude to me over something really minute. So rude, in fact, that I had to close his bedroom door to discuss the issue with him – my simple “This is unacceptable; I’d like you to check your attitude” wasn’t working. He was actually staring at me like I’d just burned his favorite toys. When I closed his bedroom door to talk about it, he let fly. He started telling me how horribly he was treated by his dad. I called Zach into the room to make sure I had all the details and that what Ty was telling me was accurate. Most of it was and I was in tears.

Their dad basically “terrorized” them in the sense that he was constantly yelling and screaming at them; talking down about me to them; threatening them with never seeing me again; and other similar things. There’s nothing I can prove, nor is there anything I can say to him without him taking his shit out on the kids. I do have a plan, though, although I won’t spell it out here. Just suffice it to say that I’m going to do what I can to protect my kids from that ever happening again. I don’t have any specifics in place yet, but I’ll do my research and find out what their rights are as far as the State of Maryland is concerned, then I’ll take action.

I do know that they haven’t been getting enough sleep. You remember that they were up until midnight that one night, right? Well, they got back yesterday and by the time we ate dinner (he hadn’t fed them all day long), got a chance to visit, and had the wind down, it was late before they went to bed and even later before they got up this morning. My kids are never asleep past 7:00a.m. but when I woke up this morning at 7:00, I heard Zach walking toward my room. He fell asleep again for over an hour. Tyler was still asleep, Zach had to wake him; and Dolly was still asleep at 9:00 when I came upstairs to get her. That’s a first for them. I made them dinner tonight at a reasonable hour – around 5:00; after which they had showers, then their bedtime snack, and settled in for bed. At 8:00 I told them all to lie down to get some sleep. Dolly was asleep in a matter of seconds, Ty is already asleep and it’s only 8:40 and Zach is the only one still awake but will be asleep shortly. Tyler never falls asleep before 10:00 which should say something about him falling asleep so early tonight. That tells me they didn’t get much sleep while they were away. They’re back home now, and since school starts next week, they’ll be going to bed at a decent hour every night, whether they like it or not. That was another argument we had. I was putting them to bed early. Oh well, children need to be properly rested to stay healthy.

I found out a few other things from them this afternoon, just in passing conversation, and there was some mention of others yesterday while we were at McDonald’s for dinner. (I made tuna casserole tonight so they wouldn’t have to eat burgers and fries again and Zach and Dolly both ate two bowls full.) So I really need to research the law to find out what, if any of what they told me, I can actually do anything about. I won’t know until I do a lot of reading. I just makes me sick, though, that I should even have to do anything like that. You’d think that any reasonable adult would try to do the right thing so as not to get into trouble. Not my ex; he just does what he wants regardless of the consequences. I’m guessing he forgot what my degree is in or he’d stop and think before he does any of the shit he does. Whatever. That’s him and he’s not going to change, nor can I control him. I can control me, though; and I intend to do what I can at this point so my kids never again have to go through what they went through this past couple of weeks.

Enough of my griping, though; I’m sure you didn’t tune in to hear me complaining, although I’ve done it before and if I can’t complain to you folks, what good is my blog, right? Anyway, I’m going to get started on my research and let you all get back to whatever it was you were doing before you checked my post. I’ll try to think of something more interesting for tomorrow.

Until next time…peace to all.